Going Back

Natasha could barely sleep the night before departure and woke up earlier than I had ever seen her. She spent the morning doing girly stuff with Hailey, like makeup and hair and giggling and… yeah, girly stuff.  I witnessed some very sweet moments exemplified by our very own Hailey as she hurriedly got ready for school. She made some hot cocoa for Natasha and then gave her a gift of hot cocoa to take home to Ukraine as well.

As Hailey started going out to the end of our driveway, Natasha looked at me and I nodded to her and she followed Hailey out. Mind you, it was about 10 degrees outside and even though she's from Ukraine, Natasha does not like the cold.  But I saw Natasha follow her out and stand with her while they waited for the bus. When they saw that I was trying to take pictures of them from afar, they both started gesturing and goofing off at me. Teens.

For the rest of the morning, it was mostly making some last minute prepwork. Marine made Natasha some French toast and bacon and she ate more than I’ve seen her eat in awhile.  When Natasha learned that only Michelle was going with to the airport, she was definitely disappointed. I wish our boys were a little bit older so that we could make these types of trips together but that long of a ride just would not work for them.

We had packed the night before so everything was ready to go. She was allowed one suitcase and one backpack.  We had a lot more clothes than she could possibly fit (thank everyone!) and we were required to return everything she came with regardless of condition so a fair amount of space was given over to her winter coat.  The good news is we were able to keep things for summer (more on that at the end).  I kept wondering how much of what I was packing would be hers to keep and how much would be community property.  On one hand, I know the other kids need things too so it's good if they can all take advantage of it, but on the other hand it would be nice for Natasha to have some nice things that are really hers.  

My boys all got hugs and kisses from Natasha and took multiple pictures with her. Two year old Remy couldn’t quite understand that Natasha was leaving to go home. He’s very empathetic and senses everything. He knew that there was something amiss. Weston was a trooper as usual and promptly asked when the next teen guest would be coming. I guess our home has had a revolving door of teenagers, huh?

As for Marine, he received the longest and tightest hug he has ever received from Natasha by far. He's not one of those types of guys that thinks crying is for losers, but he made sure not to anyways. He didn't want the last image Natasha sees of us (at least for awhile) to be sadness.

The ride down was okay but she wasn't too talkative which is certainly understandable. It was hard to figure out what to say.  The one thing that was constant was "bad Ukraine, no airplane, go home." It was half joking at first, but when we got within sight of the airport became quite earnest.  It was tough because she is only 13 and although she kind of gets it, I don't think it makes sense to most kids (or adults). She's stuck in an orphanage there in the middle of a war zone with 500 other kids, shares a room with 6 other girls and needed to pack extra soap to return with.  Here there is a family (or two) who enjoys having her, no war, and the ability to meet basic needs and have a few nice things too.  Why not stay?

We tried to make a few more good memories and stopped for lunch at an Indian restaurant (I had to make Marine jealous, we both love Indian food).  There was a minor hiccup though when Natasha accidentally left her iphone in the restaurant and I had to drive back (we were only about 5 min down the road though). Natasha was particularly hard on herself over this, repeatedly telling herself “dura, dura”. This means “stupid” in Russian. It was almost like she was afraid to do anything at the end which might cause us to not like her as much.

We got to the airport and met the other families.  The kids were fairly happy to see each other but not as much as I'd expected.  I kind of thought they'd be comparing clothes and forget the host families but that wasn't the case at all.  Natasha stayed right by me until the end. We took photos and there were a lot of hugs, she tried to smile in the beginning, but as we got closer to departure time she started crying. 

When the actual departure occurred, it happened FAST. One minute everyone was hanging and relaxing in the gate and then the chaperone said time to go and everyone had to move quickly. I was going to Facetime Marine, my parents and the other important family (coming up) but had to settle for a quick voice call to Marine as I walked along with them towards security.  The ending was heartbreaking.

And just like that, Natasha was on her way back home across half the globe.  But there's more to come...

Last Day

Today has been a bittersweet day for all of us (Marine's writing today). As the clock keeps ticking down, I try to figure out what is going on under that way too mature and innocent face of Natasha. Michelle and I have been reading all of the posts on social media from other host families and seeing the angst and sadness and happiness and everything in between that they are experiencing as departure deadlines approach. Much like any other experience in life, the feeling that is occurring cannot be reproduced/explained/described unless you go through it personally. In four short weeks, this beautiful girl has wormed her way into the fabric of our lives and we are the better for it, not her. Imagine, this Project 143 is an avenue to enrich the lives of orphans from a war torn country and it’s us, we of the first world problems, that are fuller of heart and mind.

Today, Natasha had one final day with Michelle, just for a little while, one on one. They got to act like girls and get some nails done at a salon (thanks Poppy!). Natasha initially wanted some really long add-on nails that just weren’t appropriate. Apparently, Euro styles are a little different, hah! Eventually, she chose a vibrant blue with flourishes and designs. I can’t help but see the little girl in her when I peek at her new manicure and think that it reflects upon her personality.

Michelle and Natasha then met up with a friend who wanted to help her go shopping for some last minute items (thank you Clio!) at Target. I learned this a long time ago, but if you ever want to raise the spirits up on a girl, take her shopping and pay attention to her. Natasha was in shopping heaven for the second night this week and got herself some nice items to take home.

Once home, Michelle and Natasha spent a good chunk of the evening hours packing her suitcase (exactly 50 lbs) and letting her spend some time on Facebook. Apparently, Natasha actually has no internet at her orphanage and we've limited it here after the initial issues but are now letting her on Facebook so she can have a permanent connection with people she met here. 

Michelle spent a good portion of the night downloading as many pictures as she could into a flash drive and ordering more prints from a Walgreens that they’ll be driving by on the way to O’Hare in the morning.

The boys made sure to give hugs and kisses to Natasha before bed and she got photos with Stephen before he left for work in the morning. As is her usual routine, Natasha gave an airy and quick “good night” to me and went upstairs for her last night in our home. I spent the next few seconds in introspection and wondered what the next few months would be like for her. 

Michelle (as usual) was a rockstar and we have some plans in place for Natasha. The language barrier broke down as the weeks passed by, much like the emotional wall that was initially in place. It’s definitely not perfect right now, but I know that based on the connections we’ve made that there will be some stress as we worry about her settling back overseas. I can’t imagine how she must feel.

In the morning, Natasha and Michelle will drive together to Chicago for departure. I wish I could go along as well, but the boys need to be watched over and the ride would be just too much at this age. I am not sure how everyone will act as they realize she is leaving our house for “home”. The boys are resilient, they are somewhat used to teens coming and staying with us for extended periods of time. I think Hailey will miss her quite a bit and wish Natasha was still here messing up their room :). I will probably hold back some tears but get caught up with taking care of the boys and the house. It’s Michelle, the one that Natasha has bonded to the most (heck, she even looks like her daughter), that I predict will have the hardest time. Not exactly a shocking statement since she’ll be the one who is going to drive to the airport and stand in the terminal as Natasha gives her accented “good-bye”.

There will be a void left behind, but one that will be filled quickly because Michelle is already busy making plans to make sure that Natasha is taken care of. A mountain of tasks could be on Michelle’s plate, but if she has the chance to better the life of a child, she’ll add to the mountain. She has since she was a teen, she has since she was in her twenties, and she will do so for the rest of her life. That is the stuff that my wife is made of, and that is why I believe all will turn out well for our Natasha.

Thanks to all that have been along for the ride.  We'll update more in a couple of days when we are sure of the future plans for her.

Skating & Friends

It was a COLD day and we were in the end stages of planning for Natasha’s departure. I had Marine go up to her room in the morning and ask her if she wanted to go ice skating one last time with the family. Initially, Marine asked her without the translator app and got a definitive “No.” Marine decided to try one more time using the app and it started translating out loud as he was walking up the stairs to her room. Before he even got to the top, she had heard the translation and yelled out “YES!” and was bounding out of bed. Marine said that he had never seen her get up so quickly!

So we bundled up the family and headed out to Capitol Ice Arena and it was another hit. Something about being on the ice just resonated with her I guess. We got some wonderful pictures of her and Ky (she LOVES that baby) and then headed on over to Aldo Leopold for Weston’s class. Because it was getting to crunch time, I had no problem letting her hit Facebook and start getting some friend requests done. It’s kind of amazing (and a little sad), but she gets very excited everytime anyone “likes” a photo of her. She’s not usually the most engaging with Marine (still a little gunshy around men I think) but immediately started jibber-jabbering with him when she realized he had liked several of her pictures.

As an added treat, we all went out for dinner at Biaggi’s to meet up with Mike and Anastasia (Ukrainian friend). As a side note, I was reminded why we don’t go out to restaurants with little kids anymore, hah!

Anyways, Natasha’s eyes lit right up when she saw Anastasia. We had arrived at the restaurant a little earlier than the Tubbs Family and I spent about ten minutes arranging seating so that Natasha and Anastasia and I could talk while Marine could converse with Mike and Hailey could help with the kids. Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans… As soon as Natasha saw Anastasia, she jumped up and grabbed a chair and drug Anastasia down into it. As I watched Natasha talk non-stop with Anastasia, it struck me as dissonant how well she spoke to another adult and held up her end of the conversation (even though I didn’t understand a thing) and how young she really is. We also spoke with Mike for quite awhile and I can’t help but be thankful for great people in this world that show care and compassion for others like the Tubbs family. There wasn’t a dull moment and the girls talked the entire time and the end of the dinner was most definitely emotional. By this, I don’t mean any loud histrionics. Natasha just doesn’t roll that way. But there was definitely a heavy feel during the moment. Nonetheless, the dinner was a success and it really couldn’t have gone any better.

We capped the night off by having Hailey and Natasha start sorting out the nuclear bomb, I mean, their room and the clothes for packing. The idea of Natasha actually leaving us is starting to hit harder. I was really stressed because I didn't know what the future would hold for her but that miraculously changed late tonight when I received notice from not one but TWO families who are interested in maintaining contact with Natasha and possibly more.  Can't give too many details yet, but I'm hoping that I will be able to put Natasha on the airplane with some very good news and some hope!

Learning More

We've learned quite a bit more about Natasha's situation over the past few days since we've been around some Ukrainian friends more and she was able to talk to them without a language barrier.  Again, very impressive how resilient she is considering all she's been through.

She's from the region of Ukraine that is actively involved in the war with Russia.  Natasha told our friends that her city was being bombed and that she spent a lot of time praying until all the orphans were evacuated to a different city.  Her brother is still on the other side of the border so she doesn't get to see him but apparently he's very protective of her and tries to guide her (he's 20 yrs old).  In the summer the orphanages close so if the kids aren't in a summer hosting program or camp then they're turned out on to the streets to fend for themselves.

We met up with Anastasia (Ukrainian friend) who told us that Natasha is very smart and well-read, and in fact that she was able to talk to her about some books they'd both read. Unfortunately, Natasha told me that she doesn't go to school often and no one there cares whether or not she goes.  But our girl has aspirations! She wants to go to college to be a choreographer and she likes her chemistry class because her teacher is really good.  There aren't a lot of rules in the orphanage, everyone kind of fends for themselves, yet she's been pretty good about following rules here.

I've been able to find out a bit about her circumstances at the orphanage. So, she has absolutely nothing of her own.  We're not sure exactly how many kids are there because they keep adding more kids as they evacuate other orphanages caught up in the conflict.  Natasha shares a room with 6 other girls and all of the clothes are shared between them. I would like to say that they share clothes and all the other things, but they really don't have other things :(.

We went shopping at Walmart today to get supplies for her to take back.  We're allowed to send one suitcase weighing no more than 50 lbs. It took 2 1/2 hrs to get through Walmart with her!  She's very sweet & appreciative of everything. You would think that knowing this is her last chance to buy anything she'd be asking for everything in the store, yet she only asked for a few items here and there. I tried to balance between getting things she needed and things that would just be nice.

So, sad story. I had heard that another girl from her same orphanage was sneaking bandages from the host family and packing them so I asked Natasha what she thought they needed.  She wanted sponges to clean, laundry detergent and soap. We decided the detergent would be too heavy but got the other items.  Most of what we got was necessities - underwear, socks, notebooks for school, toothbrushes, pencils, scissors, etc.

A big thing that she told Anastasia she wanted was "American makeup".  The kids who are picked for hosting are looked up to by the others so returning with American makeup and clothes is a big ego boost for them (which is sadly needed). Again though, she was happy with whatever she got. As much as I would have liked to buy her the best of everything, we decided to buy cheaper items so we could get more for her (plus we're starting to save for the summer hosting program). She asked for lipstick, got one and was super happy (most teens would have said "can I please get two?" believe me, I know).  She had also asked for a pair of earrings and was thrilled with a $3 pair.

This girl is very sweet and empathetic. She also got a shirt for her brother & her chemistry teacher as well as chocolates for the orphanage director.  I think the shirt for her brother cost me $7 and she was thrilled.  It's such a chance from most of my past foster teens who are often only satisfied with brand name items. (She would like a pair of Nike shoes though, so we're going to try to find some tomorrow).

When we got to the checkout, I had picked up a set of "N" monogram earrings & necklace - intended as an airport surprise but I forgot to hide it. I had also printed out 160 pictures of her time here with us.  She was so excited and happy when she saw those, she couldn't believe I had gotten them for her.  In the hosting training they cautioned us to not take the kids shopping early on in the hosting as it could set an expectation of "rich Americans" who would always buy things. So I listened, but she was so happy that part of me wishes I had taken her sooner. Live and learn.

Home Stretch

Sorry for the delay in updates everyone. It’s been somewhat hectic, but that’s pretty much the norm. On to the show!

On Friday, we pushed/pulled/dragged Natasha to Vilas Zoo because we thought that she would enjoy it and it’s one of the major attractions of our fair city. I think that Ukranian zoos must be very different.  She originally said "I don't want to go see a bunch of animals in little cages".  First response: “No”. Second response: “No.” Oh well…

So we drive to the zoo and find it blissfully empty of other patrons. But that might’ve had to do with the rather chilly wind and rain… in January. Anyways, we slogged through the weather and marveled at the animals enjoying their natural climate, like the lion, and the camel – um, wait.

However, Natasha really started getting into it when she started spotting the big cats and other large game animals. We found out a cool secret (that probably every other Madisonian knew); when there’s inclement weather, you can get a much closer look at the animals because they’re in their shelters and there isn’t much in between you and them. The giraffes were especially cool. There were some epic Natasha selfies.

We also held our bowling party for others to meet Natasha on Saturday. I think the girls were in junk food heaven with all the pizza, soda, nachos, fries and onion rings they could handle. I think I could smell the grease emanating off of everything! But it seemed to be a success. We had friends come over and stop by, some people we met for the first time, and overall it went very well. For a short spell, Natasha refused to mingle or chat with some of the people who wanted to meet her, instead asking to speak with other Ukrainians that she had met previously. But, as usual, she turned it around. I will say that her ability to adapt and strive to be better is enormous.  It's got to be overwhelming to be constantly meeting new people who speak a foreign language.

Oh, by the way, her English is a lot better than even she lets on. She’s gotten comfortable enough where she has a great time making fun of Marine in Ukrain-glish. It’s fun to watch and hear.

A short, sad episode occurred at the end of bowling. Grandma and Grandpa Hoksch visited us as well and at the end, they went to say their goodbyes to Natasha because most likely they wouldn’t be seeing her again before she departed. The enormity of it hit her hard and she held on to Grandma for several minutes. I can’t even imagine what’s going on in her head.

Things looked better today because it combined two of her favorite hobbies: shopping and speaking to other Ukrainians. We went to West Towne today to get her some more clothes and meet with Anastasia and Mike. They started chatting instantly and had a great time just doing what everyone else in Madison must have decided to do today. Parking was unreal. But overall, a good time was had.

This week, we hit the home stretch. I definitely enter it with a lot of emotions. We’ll be heading out together as a family to do some more activities and try to prepare her as much as possible for the flight home. I definitely wish we had hosted her during a different time of the year, even though she loves snowball fights. Summer in Wisconsin is a great time of year. But I’m still glad for the time we’ve had with her. Til tomorrow…

School

Sorry I missed yesterday’s post, it was an eventful and late day.  We decided that on Wednesday Natasha would accompany Hailey to school for the full American high school experience (I assume that involves lots of texting and selfies). As posted previously, we planned Natasha’s clothes the night before (thank goodness for that, we’ll get to that soon) and made them go to sleep early.

Marine woke up early with the baby (as usual) and because I always plan for the worst, I had him check on the girls to make sure that they were bright eyed and bushy tailed and wouldn’t miss the bus. If by bright eyed and bushy tailed you mean, unconscious and out cold fifteen minutes before the bus was coming, then yeah, great, winner winner. Marine flipped the switch, yelled out an alarm to wake the dead and finally got a mumbled “Are you kidding me? It’s seven?” from Hailey. Marine said that he had never seen the girls move that fast before. Hailey took charge and got Natasha going (we were a little worried that she assumed that the bus would just idle and wait for her) while Marine stood at the bottom of the stairs and did his best impression of a NASA countdown official.

Ultimately, the girls got off to school on time, wearing suitable clothes, with iPod and cellphone translator in tow.

Their school day ended up being a little long, since Hailey couldn't find Natasha in time for the bus (not sure why) so they stayed after to study for chemistry with the teacher.  (Her chemistry studying happened to involve a boy she has a different kind of chemistry with...).  However at least they were with the teacher, so I ended up picking them up on the way to youth group and just let it go.  They did have a great day together at school, used up the batteries on both phones with their non-stop pictures and Natasha's first words when I picked her up were "Hailey, school, me, tomorrow?" .  Everyone had a great time at youth group, we all went home, didn’t have to clean up after dinner and it was a good night.

Thursday was a good day for Natasha. Earlier in the week, we had driven past the state capitol building and she was excitedly gesturing towards it. So, after taking her to the Realty Exec office for a meeting, she and I ditched Marine at work and toured the Capitol. Natasha was really excited for something the rest of us take for granted! She ran around taking selfies, exploring everything and all in all had a great time.

When we went home, she then decided to cook for everyone. Natasha made this great hot dish using hot dogs, eggs, spices and potatoes. Don’t know what it’s called, don’t know how to make it, can barely describe the taste, but it was a hit!  We did have another episode of "I want to chat with my boyfriend on VK" but when she realized it was not going to happen she got over the issue much more quickly than before.  Off to the zoo tomorrow!

Bedtime Stories

Life in our household is never dull, that’s for sure. Today is usually the day that Weston goes to his Aldo Leopold nature class to hang with his peers and I brought Natasha with as well. The plan was to go to the class, get some shopping done, come home, eat some sushi and have an uneventful, peaceful evening.

Hah.

For those who have been reading along with us on our journey, you’re aware of the issues Natasha’s Ukrainian version of Facebook has been causing. Although who am I kidding. Social media for teens in general, regardless of nationality, is the devil.

While we were at Aldo, I took Natasha’s phone to hook her up to the wifi there and immediately noticed that the internet restriction had been disabled. I’m assuming her eagle eyes were able to spot our passcodes entered every time we used our own phones. So, I ended up having to re-entering a new passcode, much to Natasha’s displeasure. Initially, she was trying to do a cute protest but when she realized I was serious, the storm clouds rolled in again.

Natasha definitely was unhappy and spent the time sulking.  That wasn't too much of a problem though since I had a conference call to be on anyway at the time.  We made the ride to Willy St (grocery store) and I was expecting a continued dark cloud but once more, the resilient, strong side of her came out again. At the store, she turned her mood around and started talking to me about trying to make a dinner for us and what type of ingredients to get. Everything seemed fine. Did I mention that she’s thirteen years old?

Once we got home she learned that Hailey had decided to limit Natasha's use of Hailey's makeup (Hailey had been generously sharing, but decided some boundaries needed to be made). Natasha was generally argumentative about everything after that point.  Eventually she called the Ukrainian chaperone and decided to sit outside in the cold to talk on the phone. We figured that she needed some time away from us so that was definitely fine. 

It was a continued up & down mood and I think there were a lot more issues than internet restrictions.  She's only here for another 10 days and this is about the point that reality sets in and kids start getting stressed.  Ultimately, Natasha skipped dinner with the family and had some fruit instead. Hailey informed us that Natasha was on a diet, but one that consisted of avoiding all meat and snacking on Hailey’s chocolates!

Tomorrow, Natasha gets to accompany Hailey to her school but we needed to make sure that Natasha wore clothes appropriate for an American high school, and not something that’s accepted in European circles so that resulted in continued debate.  Again, I don't think the clothes were the issue.  She's just having a tough time with everything.  

Eventually, I called a different translator who is a bit more of  a mother figure.  They had a long conversation and the translator told us that Natasha really wants to have a close conversation with us but using a translation app on her phone doesn't really allow for that.  She's worried and struggling with a lot of things back home.  We decided to set a Skype appointment with the translator for tomorrow night to have a good conversation.  After that, Natasha really turned it around once more. She actually ended the night by coming into our bedroom for our nightly storybook reading to the boys. We also have a video to share of her reading Llama Llama Red Pajama to us! It was admittedly very adorable.

Updates tomorrow regarding her trip to Hailey’s school!